6 Vices of Venting

6 Vices of Venting

1. It can damage, or even destroy, relationships. If you habitually rely on another to vent negative feelings, you may eventually exhaust their patience and lead them to feel that their own wants, needs, and feelings have very little importance to you. And if they begin, routinely, to feel used by you—or even exploited—at some point they may refuse to continue as your private “dumping ground.” Having heard quite enough of your frustrations or failures, they may opt to liberate themselves from such negativity. So regularly deflecting your troubling emotions toward a friend (who in most instances hasn’t had anything to do with whatever provoked you) can seriously threaten that relationship.
2. Choosing to ventilate directly to the person who upset you (typically, not a very prudent move) can actually increase your level of distress. Depending on their response—and you can generally assume that such individuals are either insensitive to your feelings or, frankly, don’t much care about them—you’re likely to feel even worse than you did earlier. Consider that many (if not most) people are likely to immediately get defensive when they feel criticized or “attacked." And their efforts to counter, or challenge, what you share with them will probably only exacerbate your frustrations. In most instances, it’s foolish to expect such people to react with supportive understanding to your impassioned complaints, especially since, in their own sensitivity, they may feel verbally bludgeoned by you!). Finally, if their response further intensifies whatever feelings of anger or hostility you may harbor toward them—and it’s already in your behavioral repertoire—it’s just possible that your verbal aggression could morph into something physical. And consider the serious negative ramifications that such unrestrained acting out could have for you.
3. In the moment, emotional ventilation can feel almost like problem-solving: By airing out the problem, you’re doing something about it. But if viable ways of effectively confronting the problem actually exist—and the problem demands to be confronted—mere ventilation is a poor substitute for taking appropriate action. In fact, in many instances venting, by partially relieving your distress, can be counter-productive by making you less likely to act constructively in your behalf. Paradoxically, such venting, at the same time that it opens up self-expression, can also close it down—in ways that ultimately could be harmful to you. In this respect, it’s hardly a coincidence that emotional ventilation has sometimes been related to cowardice.
4. Venting can be a way of denying any personal responsibility for the situation that’s so disconcerting to you. In tone and substance, it tends to be both blaming and self-righteous, to presuppose a certain moral superiority. Obviously, it can be comforting to see yourself as a victim of someone else’s unfairness or disregard. But it hardly facilitates your appreciating the subjective validity of their viewpoint. In other words, it can be polarizing in a way that’s not particularly healthy—and certainly not very productive. And with an attitude that, if not downright smug, is at least rather self-satisfied, it doesn’t foster any sort of later “remedial” communication between you and your alleged “perpetrator.” Adopting such a complacent stance is more likely to frustrate them, and widen the chasm between the two of you even further.
5. Although venting is frequently viewed as cathartic, in that it can lead to substantial emotional release, if it’s done with the wrong person(s) or with too much vehemence, it can also backfire. Angry venting, in particular, can antagonize another—and their response to your impassioned discharge could then be similarly heated. In short, your inadvertently prompting such a negative reaction in your confidant(e) can, in turn, lead you to become even more upset—surely, the opposite of experiencing any sort of catharsis or improved mood.
6. In regularly venting your frustration or anger, you’re in effect practicing it—and thereby becoming more “skilled” at it. This will make you more likely to get upset by future disappointments, even relatively petty ones. For such a response, through sheer repetition, can become easier and easier to trigger. It may become nothing less than a knee-jerk reaction whenever something doesn’t go your way. This is yet another instance of emotional ventilation boomeranging, setting in motion a life that’s much more tense and disturbing than it would be otherwise. If you repeatedly use venting to justify and validate yourself—and this pattern becomes as automatic as it is self-reinforcing—you can see how it would actually increase the odds of your ending up living a life of heightened stress, if not downright misery.

6 Virtues, and 6 Vices, of Venting. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201404/6-virtues-and-6-vices-venting.